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Episode 51 - Live At The European Barn Doors And Gates Expo
Dave Cribb, Mike Wozniak, Nadia Kamil and Mike Bubbins join us for this live episode, recorded at this year's European Barn Doors And Gates Expo. Sponsor Mitchell's - Spunk Blaster Pro Lyrics Where Would We Be Without Doors Where would be we be without doors? Just 4 walls, a roof and a floor No way in or out Without them about There is no in or outdoors When one door closes another one opens Because I got my barn doors fitted cheaply When one door closes another one opens I wish I'd bought from a reputable seller Where would we be without doors? Just 4 walls, a roof and a floor No way in or out Without them about There is no in or outdoors When God closes a door he opens a window Because he's gone for a shit When god closes a door he opens a window I'd give it 5 minutes if I was you Where would we be without doors? Just 4 walls, a roof and a floor No way in or out Without them about There is no in or outdoors In or outdoors Before the Slaughter Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Spoken Dear Mr and Mrs Roberts This term Eli has been a model student and a pleasure to teach He's the politest, loveliest 7 year old I've ever taught and I hope you are proud of him Yours, Mrs Sycamore Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Spoken Dear Mr and Mrs Roberts I'm writing to inform you that Eli has had another wonderful term To reward him for his impeccable behaviour and hard work we would like to tell Eli that he may take the class pet - Boggles the guinea pig - home with him for the holidays Please let us know if this is acceptable Yours, Mrs Sycamore Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Spoken Dear Mr and Mrs Roberts We are two weeks into the new term and every day Eli has claimed to have forgotten to bring in Boggles. Please remind him to do so Thank you, Mrs Sycamore Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Spoken Dear Mr and Mrs Roberts As I sit here in my classroom marking work Eli is outside, staring at me through the window. And, well, he's just torn the head off a jackdaw and is wearing what is left of Boggles as a hand puppet. Thank God it is the end of the school year, I hope during the school holidays you will do something to stop this behaviour Oh Boggles, I'm so sorry, what did I do? Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Spoken Dear Mr and Mrs Roberts I'm currently on holiday in Spain after a hard year Look, I think Eli is here He threw a searing hot paella at me earlier and is currently eyeballing me from the surf wearing a jellyfish as a hat Please, help! Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Spoken Mr and Mrs Roberts He's now outside my hotel room He's chanting "Boggles, Boggles" and pushing crabs under the door I don't know why I'm writing you a letter, this will take days to arrive I just don't what else to do, Eli please stop! Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Spoken Please! He's got through the door Oh god, he's on my... He's dressed as Boggles! He's a giant Boggles, why Eli, why! What do you want from me?! (Screams) Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time Before the slaughter everything was fine Before the slaughter all I had on my hands was time I Submit Myself to Eli I submit myself to Eli, Unto him I pledge my whole. I shall not desert him when he needs me, Like his megachurch in Seoul. All hail Eli! All hail Eli! Or he’ll set my head on fire, (head on fire!) Or he’ll set my head on fire. I submit myself to Eli, Unto him I pledge my house. I will give him all my money, And my car, dog, kids and spouse. All hail Eli! All hail Eli! Or he’ll push me off a bridge, (off a bridge!) Or he’ll push me off a bridge. I submit myself to Eli, Unto him I give my life. I will do whatever thing he asks me, Stab a pig with a bread knife. All hail Eli! All hail Eli! Or he’ll kill me in my sleep, (in my sleep!) Or he’ll kill me in my sleep. Characters Host Bob Trescothick Samuel Renouf Eli Roberts Mrs Sycamore (letters) Actors Benjamin Partridge Dave Cribb Mike Wozniak Nadia Kamil Mike Bubbins Category:Liveshow Category:Song